So I'm heading back to school after a week of spring break and another week of being sick as a dog. I'm back in my cluttered apartment and tomorrow will begin again the ritual of going to classes, turning in assignments, struggling to keep up my 4.0 GPA, and very little else. These last few months I've been feeling the walls closing in on me as it were, and it's not only stressful, it makes it difficult to get myself to get my camera out and go shoot. It seems I'm constantly in a state of frenzy trying to keep up with getting class work finished and turned in and occasionally getting some sleep. This ironically makes it difficult to stay interested in the stuff I'm supposed to be learning, much less anything outside of class--I don't go out shooting anywhere near as often as I should be, I don't get to do any studying beyond what I'm assigned, and I sometimes end up going for a week or more without directly addressing another human being.

What's really disconcerting is that I'm only halfway through my third semester. I've got quite a bit more to go, and I'm not sure just how much more of this mind-numbing existence I can put up with. I also know that normal people doing the college student thing get stressed out about class work, but most manage not to be completely consumed by it. And I would really like to figure out just I'm doing wrong that causes everything to be a constant headache.

I am pessimistic when it comes to people. I generally expect most people to make the worst possible decision most of the time. So even though it seemed likely that this presidential election would go well, I had no confidence that the American people would make an intelligent decision.

Tonight, as Barack Obama's electoral votes went above the 270 mark, I impulsively got up from the computer and walked outside. What I heard has helped renew some of my faith in mankind.

When I walked out my front door, I heard screaming:

OBAMA!
OBAMA!
OBAMA!
OBAMA!

There were horns honking, fireworks and gunshots. And it was a beautiful thing.

It was exhilarating. I walked to campus and all over it, just listening and watching.

And I feel a little better.

Although this victory is certainly not the end, it's an important step in the right direction.

What's left is to fix the existing mess, and approaching it with a reasonable time frame in mind. To be sure, America still has plenty of opportunity to screw itself, and is always in danger of a complete disaster. Any of a million different things could still go very wrong, and we can expect that many of them will.

That being said, this is still a significant turning point.

America, you have finally moved toward fixing the mistake you made eight years ago, and it's about fucking time. You've got a chance, don't screw it up.

So yeah, I'm here at 3 in the morning updating my journal instead of enjoying the stupor of sleep. Instead, I'm experiencing the waking stupor of alcohol. And now I want poptarts.

It's interesting that Cheez-Its© are packaged in a bag which is inside of a box. Many other products are packaged similarly, such as cereal, for example. Why the box? The bag seems to hold them just fine, so why spend the money for the extra packaging?

Because Americans expect it, that's why. They expect their snacks to come in neat little boxes that they can stack neatly in their cupboards like those little toy building blocks we give kids to play with.

Obviously, food products are packaged in boxes due to a desire to play with building blocks again. People often talk about how they'd like to be younger again. Why is this? Not because of anything inherently wonderful about being a young person (as they would have you believe) but because they want to play with those little building blocks again. We never get tired of creating.

Adults miss being able to play with blocks without being ridiculed, and so fill their lives subconsciously with block-building opportunities which are disguised as work. People like playing with blocks, and food packages give them a chance to do that. They can create entire cities inside their cupboards and pantries, although they would never let anyone see any of it.

This is because Humans, once they reach a certain age, are discouraged from exploring and learning anything new. They are expected to go with the flow and simply do what they are told. This, boys and girls, is the beginning of the end. Eventually, the robots will take over the world.

But at least we'll still have cheez-its.

So I'm back in my little apartment again acting like a college student. I've survived my first day, though I find myself wondering if I can truly take what I've got coming this semester. I've got a photography class that involves all the nitty-gritty scientific stuff about photographic capture-physical properties of light and such. Tough class, nobody's ever gotten an A in it, and after looking through the book, I can see why.

I'm also the "co-chairperson" for a book we're going to publish of work from all of the students in the photography program. I have no idea what to expect from this, as it's the first time it has been done.

Worst of all, my photography skills have deteriorated disgracefully over the last couple of months of rarely shooting. I went out this evening, and consistently made stupid beginner mistakes and couldn't always think of a solution, which I should have been able to do.

Remind me to never take a summer off again.

Remind me also to get off my ass once in a while and actually go shooting instead of being so f#@%ing lazy.

I'm a freaking mess.

So I've been living in #@%&ing Oklahoma with my brother and sister-in-law for the last few weeks. Now, my brother and I have always had our little differences of opinion growing up...he liked to insult me, and I generally tossed a chair at his head to explain my side of the arguement.

These days, however, he has me at a bit of a disadvantage. He can yell and complain all he wants, but if I throw any chairs or punches, he'll call the cops.

Let me break it down into bite sized pieces.

My older brother is a CPA. He always did well academically, got a full-ride scholarship to college, and is now leaving to take a job at a very big company. His success, unfortunately, has turned him into an arrogant prick.

His wife is another wonderful person to be around. She supposedly has the talent to become a great opera singer, reportedly did well in school, and has had several successful jobs. She thinks that she is black (she's Itallian) and enjoys bitching and complaining about everyone/everything. She is also arrogant and pompous, and believes quite sincerely that she posesses all human knowledge, and seems deeply insulted at the suggestion that she is anything less than perfect.

Living with these people is like living with just about any All-American-White-Trash family, only with a lot more pretentiousness. They have somehow gotten it into their heads that it's beneficial to scream at each other (and at me) about everything, no matter how minute or inconsequential. Then they complain because I don't like it.

I'm having trouble coming to terms with the fact that my brother has grown up to be a self-centered asshole and is married to a self-centered bitch. I suppose, though, that that makes them a good match.

I'm honestly not sure how much more of this garbage I can put up with. All I can do is remember that I'm going to be getting money out of this. I'll glad when I can go back to Missouri and spend time with my real family (you know who you are )